Version 2: Took most of the suggestions and implemented them, also changing up a few sounds and remastering with EQ. Strange though, I feel like taking the strings out like everyone had suggested kind of makes the song feel empty. May have to find some fillers for v3.
Version 1: A very different approach. I don't have to focus too hard on melodies, and if i don't, the song actually sounds better I realize. A solid progressive track for you.