You Can't Do That On Television: Episode 80 – Identity Crisis

A Borrowed Personality.

Posted by annacon3 on Mon Oct 5, 2009

Music News
Dear Kayne West,

I have had to listen to your kvetching for sometime now. Well, it's my turn to sound off. Tough words on Twitter will only go so far. Don't worry, we get're sorry and you realize that you made a faux pas. At the VMAs you attempted to drum up some business since no one has paid attention to you for a lengthy amount of time. Come on though, Taylor Swift...REALLY? That gets a big WHOASKIES because you could not get lamer. Have you REALLY analyzed your own behaviors? Have you ever considered that you prompted this break up? This relationship with you for the past few years has been as enjoyable as a root canal. You are an influential force in music, fashion and pop culture industries but desperation is stinky cologne and clearly you are bathing in it. The whole scene reminded me that I hadn't been egging in a while.

I'll admit that I am a fan. I didn't care that you grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and really had nothing to bitch about besides good, old fashioned teen-aged angst, because your beats are tantalizing. *Raised Eyebrow* It is no wonder your upcoming tour 'Fame Kills' (featuring the madame Lady Gaga) was canceled. Turns out that airing your dirty laundry in the open is a sub par method of moving on. I understand why the public is wishing to break off a relationship that was never really there to begin with. It was an allusion that kept you busy in your dream world. You're confident enough to think you have everyone fooled but I see you for the fake that you really are. Regardless of how hard you attempt to smear the characters of others you only weaken your credibility with the few who stick around. You're at a 10 and we could all use you at a 2.

The cyber apology and barrage of bad second life jokes parodying the original event perpetuate the sideshow. The evolution of the cyber world cannot be stopped and this aspect is a new way of life that is quite comfortable for many people. Yet the blogs and the tweets drone on with useless chatter. You know the ones – right next to the clandestine friend bashing and their disingenuous social climbing because real life is just too scary. I think those methods of communication are great in the same way that junk food is great – in moderation – making it a way of life will make your ass fat. Let's not use it as the sole means to exercise our demons because it is doing you more harm than good.

I wish you luck in your future ventures and hope you rise above the victim role you so lovingly embrace. It's old, tired and unattractive. You're not really THAT strange and the more you try to be less cookie cutter, the more you'll just end up being another cookie. You behave like someone who got what they wanted and now they don't want what they got because the reaction was not something they could manipulate. Remind yourself that pity isn't sympathy. Ditch the crown you have been taking credit for and remember that it's not you that is attracting followers but your insincerity, duplicitous nature, and your whiny attitude that attract this attention. Not to mention your borrowed personality. It’s pity, not love. People view your life as a TV show because you present it as such.

It feels good to put on the hater cape for a couple minutes every now and then. After all we are all human and have the ability to rise above. As long as you discontinue distorting the truth, I'm sure someone will date you...someday. This too shall pass because the public eye of this generation is just so forgiving. Realize that it's not the Universe that is shooting you in the foot, it's yourself. The only one who remains the most adult in the situation is the one who was wronged in the first place. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

For serious...

(*Dedicated to Les Lye 11.18.1924 - 7.21.2009. Remember the great comedian and one of the best shows in history!!)

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